THE TICKING HOURGLASS

Mixing metaphors, but it all comes down to time

NOTE: I will be leading four tours in the upcoming months: Plymouth/Lexington, Springfield/Eureka/Chicago/Truman Library, San Diego/Miramar/Blue Angels, and Reagan Ranch/Reagan Library/Warner Bros./Nixon Library. Awesome experiences led by “America’s History Teacher.” Details here: http://www.patriotexperience.com/ )

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I can just hear Barbra Streisand, in one of her funny roles as the prostitute, Doris, in an argument with her neighbor, Felix (George Seagal, a writer as she yells about one of his lines, “___Dammit, the Sun does not spit!”

“Dammit, Larry, an hourglass doesn’t tick.” But you get the point. What we are seeing is time running out on Congress ever being able to save itself from obscurity and irrelevance. The GOP had a chance. They had an agenda laid out for them like a pheasant after the hunt, like a groupie after a concert. All they had to do was follow Trump’s cracker crumbs and pass simple pieces of legislation mandating the DOGE cuts or any other of Trump’s 1.2 million (it seems) executive orders.

And they whiffed.

The worst thing? They are actually proud of themselves for getting a budget bill through a couple of committees. Speaker Joe Cannon and Senate Majority Leader Lyndon Johnson would already have heads on pikes outside their offices. The skins of foolish legislators would adorn the hallways, as in Roman times, a warning to anyone who did not get off his ass.

But noooooooo. Speaker Johnson got the “Gulf of America” renaming bill an called for another extended weekend. They guys work less than public school teachers or Social Security administrators. I won’t be surprised if they don’t successfully pass a bill that changes the U.S. motto from “In God We Trust” to . . .

“Gone fishin’.”

And the amazing thing is, they just might get away with it. Because their opponents, the DemoKKKrats, are so shockingly, transparently evil that even independents are keeping their distance, afraid of catching their political chlamydia. The vile stench the DemoKKKrats are exuding—-from their relentless defense of murderous Tren de Arugala speedowhackers to 25-year-old males adorned in female garb playing hoops against high school girls—-reaches everyone’s nostrils.

Again, it’s not that the Republicans are offering anything enticing. It’s like a starving man going to a banquet where on one table are scorpions, rattlesnakes, and cottonmouths and on the other side are lizards, flies, and dung heaps. At least one won’t actively TRY to kill you.

But let’s give credit: the GOP are All-Star Tweeters and Faux Newsers. Yep, Jimmy Jordan and St. Thomas Massie can whip out a tweet faster than you can tie your shoe (which is a Skecher slip-on) Marjorie Taylor Green can complain about leadership in four languages, none of them jive. Ana Paulina Luna can create utterly unnecessary committees while still in her bikini.

So what is to be done? First, there simply is no choice but, for now, to continue voting for these clowns. The alternative is literally a vote for the SS and the KGB, each of which has a list with your name on it.

I think one strategy must be to start forcing the brave, valiant X army to NAME FREAKIN NAMES. Massie is great at carping about overspending. I want him to provide a specific list—-then tell me what the hell he did to convince a single one of these sawdustpickers to change their vote. My guess is that Woodchipper Roy and St. Thomas are all too happy to posture, but not willing to mobilize a campaign to get anything done. That goes for every member of the Freedom Caucus. There should be a new rule: you post on X, you must provide a list of 10 names that we can harass to Hades for not doing their damn jobs. A Faux News appearance should be worth 20 names.

These doddlenuggets are no better than the invisible sloths that hide from the voters. Maybe we can’t do a whole lot, but we can do more of we know WHO THEY ARE and WHY, Woodchipper, YOU HAVEN’T BUTTONHOLED THESE RECTALMAGNETS.

Cuz I guarantee you, Speaker Joe would have.

Larry Schweikart (@LarrySchwe94560)

Rock drummer, Film maker,NYTimes #1 bestselling author

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